I felt unsure to share this, but I’ve been in deep thought and wanted to share my hearts findings and the things that made it well up with feelings.
The last, the very last. So richly brightly dazzlingly yellow.
Wednesday was Holocaust Remembrance day. I visited the Holocaust Museum the last time I was in DC and the impression it made has stuck with me.
Occasionally, it comes back in full force. I was on a walk yesterday, and saw this bird in a tree. Yellow. Beautifully bright and oh so fragile. It reminded me of a poem that I learned when I was a child. And it brought tears to my eyes.
I try not to take my comfort for granted, but I do. I have a clean home. I have clean sheets and a soft bed to sleep in. I have clean running water that comes into my home. And I have a partner whom I adore, and get to share these comforts with every day. I am lucky. Butterflies live in my world.
The last, the very last,
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow. Perhaps if the sun's tears would sing against a white stone...
Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly ‘way up high.
It went away I'm sure because it wished to kiss the world goodbye.
For seven weeks I've lived in here, Penned up inside this ghetto
But I have found my people here. The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut candles in the court. Only I never saw another butterfly.
That butterfly was the last one. Butterflies don't live in here, In the ghetto.
Pavel Friedmann 4.6.19
My Monday inspiration.
It all comes back to this. We’ve been vocal about not seeing our girls in a while, they didn’t come home for the holidays and that was hard for all of us. But this past weekend they came home. We hugged them, laughed with them, watched movies and just spent time together as one unit again. Though we have limited our interactions to outdoor activities,the moments together have been so wonderful. And so impactful. Our family. The ones I love the most in this world. Finding new memories to make and moments to cherish so that we have something to hold onto in between the absence.
Weekly Monday Inspiration -
Originally, this picture inspired me because of the moment it created. The musician played beautifully, and in a sea of Las Vegas chaos (we ended up there during the Nevada primaries), it was a moment of calm and focus. Many nurturing experiences involve music for me, it continues to nurture me still, even in all the craziness going on.
However, now it reminds me of our last vacation before Covid spent with our two beautiful daughters. We did not spend the holidays with our girls and miss them tremendously. It is hard to imagine being in close quarters again with thousands of people swarming all around. And this is a reminder to stop, and focus on the moments. Music can bring me there, it always does
So I skipped a year. Ok, maybe two years. Could be even three. I lose track.
I made a gratitude jar. Cut up little slips of paper, and when I was feeling grateful about something, anything, really, I wrote it down and put it in the jar. Then, on New Year’s Day, we would pull the pieces of paper out, one by one, and read them.
I love reading about those moments. “Family home for the holidays”, “calling in and checking on my girls and they are both doing well”, “I’m grateful for reminders of why I love Doug so much. He sees ME and loves all of me.” “For having a partner who loves my girls.” “For the need to cut more strips of paper”.
All of these moments add up and fill my heart. They are full of friends names, of silly little moments that brought a smile to my face and become an inspiration to continue the tradition.
First Monday Inspiration of the year
Here we are, at the start of a new year. This year is scarier than most. Many of the moments that occurred in years past have not been able to happen this year. No family holidays, no vegas girl trips, no last minute tennis parties. We may be sneaking into this year a little more quietly, but I have hope. And a gratitude jar waiting to be filled. Again.
There are many times in my life that I say the most horrible things to myself, but sometimes, there are days when you wrap yourself in your own hoodie. A hoodie born out of your own and others’ creativity, and you say,”Damn, I’m cute”. We compare ourselves to the perfection in others, and we fall short. Being kind and loving matters so much when the recipient is yourself. Today, I'm gonna love myself and squeeze myself all over in this hoodie.
Also, if you wanna squeeze yourself in comfort, this hoodie is over at https://buff.ly/3psw1AP
A little Monday Inspiration.
Getting ready for Christmas is bittersweet this year. I am not able to spend it with my two beautiful daughters. Right now, one of them has Covid-19, while the other is busily preparing to make their Christmas special, even though they can’t come home. I am blessed, knowing how well they take care of each other, knowing that they possess a strength born out of love, and knowing that, soon, I will be able to wrap my arms around them and squish the bejeezus out of them.
Love on your loved ones near and far this year!